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most problems in life are
communication problems.

Communication is the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. Yet, many of us struggle to express ourselves with confidence and connect authentically with others. Despite dedication to self-development, you feel stuck, disconnected, insecure and frustrated by your communication skills. You know what you want to say, and struggle saying it.

At Spec, we advocate holistic communication, and introspection is the key. We believe in nurturing your inner voice as a guiding light toward clear, effective communication.

Spec is a root word, meaning "to look"

About Rachel

What is The Spec Method?

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transform your

communication from within

a mindful, holistic method

Meet Amelia

The Spec Method is a holistic approach to communication for professionals who are looking to cultivate genuine, impactful ways of conveying themselves. It is a strategic combination of mindfulness and introspection used to develop positive inner dialogue, shift perspectives, and discover how you best communicate. It's not about fixing anything, but tapping into the treasure trove of self-awareness already available to you.

Why Naturopathy

What others are saying

I have had the opportunity to work with Rachel, and she has been nothing short of extraordinary! She has a way of assessing your needs and then crafting the perfect strategy to meet and exceed all expectations.

Calvin L.

CEO | Speaker

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I can be very disruptive.
especially when I'm in balance internally.
my light and my dark are active and activated.

Balance meaning I feel emotionally regulated, I communicate clearly, I'm sleeping well, I'm aware of my responsibilities and disciplined, as well as taking rest as I need it without much resistance. I'm taking care of my life.

I know where my feet are.

So why do I think this makes me disruptive?

Well, the more I learn to stay with myself and ground, I don't hedge my words or hold back my truth.
I speak plainly and don't second guess myself. I'm also okay being wrong about something and changing my perspective. I want genuine resolution to issues and miscommunications, not superficial niceties.

Because I do this, it disrupts people hiding something, unsure of themselves, afraid of confrontation, people pleasers, anyone without boundaries, etc.

While it isn't comfortable, I actually think this is one of the best things we can do for each other 💕

Be disruptors and be disrupted.

There will always be disruptors, but another thing to consider: do we know how to be disrupted? have our patterns and our discomfort shown to us in clear light so we can deepen our inner resolve without caving?

if we're always agreed with, do we actually know what's true for ourselves?

what's worth standing up for?

what if we all showed up to our relationships balanced in ourselves rather than wobbly in the winds of disruption?

just a thought.
could be fun.

I LOVE MEN.

for all the men in my life, the next two pictures of flowers are for you, in case you've never been intentionally given flowers - hopefully this counts a least a little bit!
you are wonderful, loved, caring, generous, protectors, wonderful problem solvers, and the perfect balance to me in so many ways. I love and appreciate you 💖

I am so grateful for all the men I know personally, and all the men in the world who do amazing things with little to no acknowledgement.

that's all :)

it's not whether you agree with everyone and are perfectly likeable that makes you impactful to those around you.
it helps, but it's deeper than that.

it's whether you can be in a space with someone you disagree with and understand them.
be in a space with someone going through a hard time and not try to fix them because of your own discomfort.
be in a space with someone you can't empathize with, but try your best to see what they're experiencing.
be in a space with someone you straight up don't like, and have a regulated nervous system.

that's the grey. the middle.

that's the healing space.

most of us are overthinking it - with good reason too.
the rules and rigidity of the world right now is kinda intense.

but I want to remind you of something very important to remember:

there isnt a script or certification for connection, listening, compassion, patience, building trust, and confidence in the idea that showing up for each other is important.

and to do it best we can ✨

when we know the shape of our own soul, it's much easier to have confident boundaries.

everyone is looking at boundaries like something that's done for them, depends on someone else respecting them, and something that won't require discernment. literally anywhere but internally.

but true boundaries have nothing to do with other people - not at first.

they require introspection and careful observation of what will and won't be tolerated.

what is a compromise and what is a non negotiable?
the only place to learn that is listening to yourself and your body. only because only we know the truth of ourselves. which is a real doozy these days when there's so much noise.

boundaries require a practice of going inside and making yourself strong so it doesn't matter who or what you encounter. you know who you are ✨

how do you feel about your boundaries?
are they strong or could they use some work?##

Becoming friends with my parents, starting with my mom.
Part 7.

Where are we now?
I tell my mom everything. She is kind, patient, loving, and tells me I'm beautiful. she encourages me to be reflective. she really listens. and I really listen to her!

Through everything, I found a way to love my mother for who she is, not who I wanted her to be 💕

There is an issue with romanticizing the "wild woman" archetype. I love my wacky mother, AND she did a lot of damage. she was selfish with her life and did what she needed to do - and it caused a lot of pain. she has no illusions about this when we talk about it now - through my own regulation and forgiveness, it opened a space for her to feel safe admitting to me how she felt about what she has done.

i see a lot of women these days claim to be expressing their wild woman truth, and while that's beautiful, I think it needs to come with a bit more consciousness of the impact it has on others.

this isn't about suppressing it. it's about maturity.

for me, it's about making sure the impact on others is taken into account as I do what I want with my life. as I express my wild woman archetype - unafraid to speak my truth, but taking into account the implications of it and being intelligent about it.

i can be wild, and:
i need to be able to take accountability.
i need to be able to apologize if my actions have hurt someone.
i need to be able to lead myself through emotional experiences with patience, tact, and compassion.

this is something I think is missing in most women empowerment spaces.

i have a lot of respect for how hard the women of the past have fought for rights. I feel very privileged to sit here and share my thoughts freely. and I believe with this privilege I can empower myself to spiritually mature. and from this more mature place, I can empower everyone I encounter on my path.

and so, I bring this story of forgiveness and hope to a close.

i am proud to be good friends with my wild mother.
i am eager to be a mother one day.
i am hopeful to set an example.

i am delighted to be a woman :)

I've been talking about my mother... now I want to talk about how it affected the female friendship wound.

When I was in my late teens and 20s, I was chaotic.

I had no understanding of my emotions, how to regulate, or how to communicate honestly, and i have lost so many female friends over the years because of an inability to regulate and communicate.
Not 100% my fault of course but I can see these mistakes in hindsight. This still happens from time to time, and I mourn the loss of female friends.

But when I was in my early 20s, it was really bad. i once went to a therapist that said that I will never be happy unless I repaired my relationship with my mother. I thought that was complete bullshit at the time.

I always made an effort to have female friends. I attempted to be kind, fun, playful, funny, and nurturing best i could.
I went out of my way to find ways to connect.
Not all of them deep, but each of them I held a wish for connection, and I did my best.

I noticed something happening after I DID start repairing the relationship with my mother: I had a lot more love for women.

And more so over the past year, i really wanted to learn how to BE a good woman. WHAT is a GOOD woman?

a good friend for other women. a good female friend for men. a more whole person - balancing out my masculine development because of being raised by my dad, with what I felt being a woman was.

This came in the form of addressing my criticisms of other women. the initiative to be a good woman has come with a lot of frustration I had to address.
I have been frustrated by a lack of emotional accountability.
I have been frustrated by vapid conversations and unchecked ego.
I have been frustrated by superficial narratives.
and my truth is that I was never hurt more in my life than by other women - and I wanted to talk about it.

Because I was not only hurt by these things, I saw those things in myself and how damaging it was for my relationships with women in the past.

I want to keep talking about the dynamic nature of women in a grounded way.

But, the most important thing to know:
women. are. incredible.

Becoming friends with my parents.
Part 5.

My mom ✨

About 2 years ago I had been thinking about reaching out to her, texts here and there over the years but so much resentment still. I wasn't ready. But I called her on a long drive in 2022, and we talked for about 2 hours. We took it slow.

yes, she would trigger me. and yes, I reacted poorly.

when that would happen, my emotional regulation skills kicked in and I would excuse myself from the conversation.

The thing that triggered me the most would be her telling me to be safe on the road. I would say, you don't feel deserve to tell me to be safe and care about me like that.

Eventually, I explained why this felt triggering and she stopped saying it.

At some point, I really realized I didn't know anything about my mother. I was so consumed by my own abandonment story that actually played out in many of my relationships.
I really really reallyyyy sucked at empathy and compassion in my relationships. I was called the ice queen. I was cold. Very unreachable and I would close down emotionally at the first little offense.
This was, of course, to protect myself.

But digging into my experience with my mom had been digging into the root of that... and ultimately the other side of being a woman which is incredibly nurturing and loving.
I never knew that side... but I wanted to know it.

I was raised by my dad through my teens, and he's a bit of a stoic. I love him so much.

I eventually taught myself how to be nurturing and I applied that nurturing to my mother. what a surprise!

my mother eventually opened up about her life, and gave me insight into her struggles. I never knew my mothers heart. I never could have until I did a lot of work on my own heart. that's the first time in my life I felt proud of my mom as a human.

I don't have to agree with her choices or fully understand them to love her as a human who fought her own mental battles silently.

why I'm being so raw is that i don't want anyone to think that you need some retreat or course or a book to do this.
they can help, but it won't replace showing up.
the commodification of peoples pain makes me sick.

we just need each other to show up.

Becoming friends with my parents.

Part 4.

I had to take a break and think about where I wanted to take this story...and the next aspect of this is the abandonment event.

On top of my difficult relationship with my mother, I am the middle of 3 girls. since I was a pretty volatile little girl, I struggled with my relationship with them. I'll share my sibling wound story another time.
My sister's and I were 10, 15, and 18 when my mom sat us down in the living room and told us she's been a mother for 18 years, she's moving out, and she doesn't love my dad anymore. I distinctly remember saying "good, go"

There are many memories from this time.
my dad being distressed, my family members being supportive of him and ostracizing my mom. I was an angsty teenager... I didn't know anything about my mom's isolation and silent suffering until over a decade later.

It is really difficult to hold both experiences in my heart - to know my mother was struggling so much and have empathy for her. and also have empathy for younger Rachel who didn't know that and was abandoned. for a long time, I wore abandonment like badge to gain sympathy, protection, and as an excuse for bad behavior. when was a teen it was drinking and getting high. when I was in my 20s it was being reckless and volatile, emotionally abusive to others.

It took a long time to stop victimizing myself.
yes, something unfortunate happened with my primary caretaker when I was an adolescent.
no, I did not have to pull the victim card every time I was triggered.
It took a long time to take emotional accountability.

I had a conversation with a friend two years ago, talking to her about my mother's choice to leave the family.

I said, "yes it did damage to me, but I realize my mom left a life she didn't love. a life that was suffocating her, in pursuit of a life she could thrive in. a lot of people tell me I'm brave and independent and strong willed to be doing what I'm doing and carving my own path in life...and ironically, I learned this from my mother"

this is where a deeper appreciation and understanding of my mothers story began.

it took me living my own life to begin to understand my mother.

Becoming friends with my parents.
Part 3.

I don't think the Internet is ready for how gross I was as a baby, so I have a good picture of myself to balance it out ⚖️

I have been telling this story of my mother, and the process of forgiveness in order to be friends with her.

But what did she actually do?

I think it's important to talk about what raising kids is like a little bit. There's no rule book. There's no manual to consult, and my mother having a pretty rocky relationship with her mother and older siblings, there was no help.

We lived a bit far away from the aunts and uncles. I can imagine it was very isolating for my mother. It was a beautiful home with a big back yard, but we didn't have community.
On top of that, my older sister and I were home schooled until I was in 5th grade (11 years old)
I was (let's be honest) am, a very inquisitive, live life out loud child. I kinda did what I wanted. I was wild.
but I imagine that level of spiritedness was really hard for a solo homeschooling parent. my dad worked night shifts as a police officer so he slept during the day. my mom did everything for my sister and I essentially on her own.

I used to talk back, hide my homework, run away, instigating my older sister.

I think we tend to paint this picture that children, and our inner child, just wanted to play and be innocent and be loved. that's totally true. to be real, I was a handful.

I literally remember doing as much as I could to get my way, not listen, talk back, and all without any consequence. and when there were consequences, that caused me to have explosive emotional responses that my mother didn't understand and had no help navigating.

so she responded in anger. I got soap in my mouth like it was my job. she spanked me with spatulas, wooden spoons, sticks from the yard, you name it.
times were different.

(I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. being pushed to the emotional edge like that...I feel so much empathy for my mother as I write this out)

By 8/9, I had so much hate in me & i lashed out harder.
this was the end of any semblance of a mother daughter relationship. until time passed.

Becoming friends with my parents.
Part 2.

My mother was beautiful. She IS beautiful.
Something that changed in the last few years in my healing journey and as I entered my 30s, is getting to know her past.
Who IS my mother?

A mother is more than just a mother.

She's a woman.
Was a young woman at one time.
Had a life before she was a mother.

On our early healing phone calls, we didn't talk about "us" or her parenting. I only asked her about herself. What was her life like when she was young. Her father died when she was 18, and her mother raised 5 girls on her own after that, mother being the youngest of 5.

But somehow, mother traveled a lot, she was veryyyy adventurous. Before meeting my dad, but even after meeting him there were lots of adventures.

I need to ask her about how she traveled...I also need to ask her more about where she grew up, what that was like, did she miss her dad after he passed, etc. As I am writing this, there is so much I want to know about her.

I find myself dedicated to honoring my mother because she won't be around forever, and I take that more seriously than ever.

The most simple question to ask and keep asking is,
"who were you? who are you now?"

I told her once she was perfectly imperfect. synchronicity struck and she sent me a picture of a little card she carries around saying "perfectly imperfect"

The things that would trigger me about her are her imperfections.

It dawned on me I might trigger her just as much as she triggered me. At this point, I began to peel back the layers of having empathy for my mother.

Am I not also capable of making mistakes?
Of hurting others with my selfish choices?
Of attempting to do what's best that others don't agree with?
Who am I to judge my mother, with an entire universe inside of her that I didn't know about for 31 years?

Waves of pain are eased in the warmth of genuine empathy.

Becoming friends with my parents.

Part 1.
We'll start with my momma.

She's wacky. She's the OG wild woman. She's bold, silly, funny, creative, wise, expressive, and makes herself happy.
I love her for who she is. I celebrate her, honor her, encourage her, and I'm proud of her.
I wear her old jewelry and send selfies. I text her daily with what I'm up to and ask her what she's up to. We talk on the phone when we can. She loves to laugh.
This is who I know my mother to be today.

So now you have a snapshot of my cute mom :)

We did not start this way.
In fact, it has taken the last 2 years to get this way. It's complicated to begin this story, because I have to tell the truth of it. Of the abuse, the mental health issues, the hatred, the volatility, and the abandonment.
How do I even do that?

I think I want to start with two concepts to frame this -
Forgiveness and Accountability.

1. Forgiveness - to lighten the load of the past on my heart so I could bring clarity to my interactions with my mother as an adult.

2. Accountability - to address what is in my control within the relationship, stepping away when I was emotionally triggered, going slow, finding commonality with her, and keeping my heart open.

I had to open my heart to allow the wounds of abandonment and resentment to be addressed - but not by her.

By me. I took responsibility of them. BUT VERY SLOWLY.

When I say slowly, I mean over 10 years.
I didn't see my mother in person for 10 years.
I didn't speak to her on the phone until 2 years ago.
I didn't see her and hang out until December of 2023.

There was no big confrontation of her mistakes.
No demanding of her to apologize.
No blame.

By going slowly, I had time to address that I didn't love her, that I hated what she did, that I felt for a long time she needed to eat shit for her choices. I didn't see her humanity.

But this way of thinking hurt me beyond words. My connection to my mother has so very much been a missing part of my inner happiness.

Not necessarily a relationship with her, that is a beautiful byproduct of what I did.

Accountability and forgiveness made ME happy.

everyone says "just be yourself and your people will find you."

it's more like "learn to wade through the treacherous waters of insecurity, doubt, isolation, self-work, facing your demons, creating good habits, discipline in your interests, learn to communicate, and learn to embrace the adventure of your life...so your people CAN find you."

✨

I didn't know what happiness was until this past month.
August 1st - September 1st 2024. It's notable.

I've been a generally happy person the past few years, but it has honestly been a treacherous journey. Depression and anxiety are my close travel companions anywhere I went.

My heart has broken, my spirit shaken, my body exhausted... and the beginning of this year I was about to give up.
and yet, I knew there was something else I was working towards.
Something that felt more real, raw, and honest than anything or anyone would have been able to describe.

I knew only i could find happiness "inside myself" but it's like, what? fucking, how?! and that's the kicker.

There are many things that brought this about that I want to tell you about, and I could blabber on about living my best life.

Trust me, it's tempting to position myself as someone who has figured it out.

But ultimately, there are things that I wish someone had told me, and there are things that even if someone had told me I wouldn't have the wisdom to apply those things.

Wisdom comes from information applied.
Life lived and intuition followed.

And that's the only thing I can attest to 100%.

So here's a little breakdown of what I think happened:

Life will give you experiences.
Intuition will guide you through them.
Mindfulness will help you process them.
Wisdom will be bore from integration of the lessons.
Happiness will come from the strength that comes from autonomous and disciplined self development.

What do you think?

It has not been an easy year by any means.

But goddamnit I was gonna turn it around. I found my gratitude and love for myself again through sooooo many things besides therapy, and none of them are complicated. I just knew if I didn't change things, my demons were gonna get the best of me. I made a new agreement with myself:

My mental health is my responsibility.
My emotional safety is within my control.
The ability to care and love my body is instinctual.
Attending to my mind, body, connection is imperative.

Not bashing therapy, I love it. For me, my journey is that it caused as much damage as it helped me. Being manipulated and gaslit by a therapist is top notch grossness (story for another day)

The other reason this is important to me, is many people can't afford it and it's expensive to find one that really connects. I'm proud of anyone on that journey and people like me creating alternative resources.

Regardless, navigating the at times treacherous waters of inner demons, insecurity, relationships, and self love is not taken lightly.

DMs open if you wanna talk tools. I'm no expert, just a human finding all the ways to access her most healthy self ✨🦋☀️

Do things you think are beyond you.

That's where the magic *starts*

But don't stop there... keep going.

Look at what's working, focus on doing more of that.

Acknowledge what's not working, identify the opportunity to shift perspective, mindset, habits, and make new connections.

Everything is a pattern, which is both annoying and convenient for inner work lol.

If you spot something you do, that makes you unhappy in your life repetitively, that's the exact place to start disrupting it.

We are all so much more capable of changing our lives than we give ourselves credit for.

Be proud of yourself, and keep going.

here's how I help myself get through comparison to others:

I see a people doing things that I want to do.
i'll identify what those things are that I want to do, when I want to do them, and get specific on how I want to do them, bringing my morals ideas opinions and even as simple as colors that I like into the mix.

this helps me reinvest in the idea that what I want to do is completely unique to me my life and who I am.

that diffuses the idea that there is something that I could be doing that someone else has been able to do.

this is from the voice notes of my phone from this morning when I was triggered by cool intro music to a new podcast.

the past 11 days have been blissful.
it got me thinking about how I'm used to more chaos and wondering when some shits gonna hit the fan...but what if I didn't think of it that way?

life works in cycles.

it is not my responsibility to plan everything and micro manage my experience. even though I am hyper-concious, tend to be controlling, lean towards the darker side of life, and work with a deep inner perfectionist.

at the moment, it is my responsibility to enjoy myself 🤍

Put away your cares.
Fold them, fold them.
Fold up your fears ✨

I had a whole morning planned. Wake up by the creek and cold plunge. But I got down to the water and it was chillllyyy at 7am, more than I was anticipating. So instead, I stood in the water and prayed my gratitude to the sky, the earth, the four directions and the abundance before me. I do not feel like an intruder in nature as I used to. I used to have this sense of unworthiness, unsure of what exactly I was doing there deep down. But I started saying hello! talking to the trees and water, then singing and dancing. The feeling of unworthiness to enjoy something so much melted away over time.
Anywho, I walked back up and passed a man on the way. He said "you do a cold plunge?" and I said no, it was too cold. He said, "ahh man, gotta get in there!" and he was right...I sat down at the top and bumped my back on this big grandma sycamore tree, as if she had smacked me and said "get your ass in the water, child." so I walked myself back down, said hi to the man again, and got in. Aayyeeeeeyoooo it was truly so cold. I dunked down. Sat. Found stillness. Smiled. The mans name was Allen and he is a fire fighter in Sedona. We talked about the water, and the usefulness of cold plunging. It felt right, even though it was uncomfortable. I felt the purposefulness of doing it even though I didn't want to. I felt the impact of this man being a bit of a path angel, someone who reminds me to stay true to my integrity. We got out, parted ways, and I moved on with my day as planned.

can't be good stewards of something if we don't care about it.

can't care about something if we don't connect to it.

can't connect to something if we don't remember were part of it.

can't remember we're part of something if we don't engage with it.

easiest way to engage with something is through play.

thank you for coming to my environmentalism ted talk.

*bows*

The juice is worth the squeeze when it comes to authenticity.

And it's everyone's journey to find reasons why and how to sustain it.

My journey with entrepreneurship, building an online business, and "showing up as myself" in my community has been treacherous at times and full of rejection, so I've had to find ways to keep going.

An example of this in my work:
I had a meeting yesterday where the woman booked a call, agreed to work together within 30 minutes, paying in full (my programs are $4k+) anddddd she's excited!

What stuck out to me was her response about what she was looking for.

She said

"When looking for coaching, I found a lot of corporate messaging for public speaking and performance based communication. I want to improve all of my communication, and so I looked for that. I didn't even know the type of coaching you do existed and I'm so excited to develop this part of myself!"

The thing about authenticity, in my opinion:

It needs to be assumed there will be rejection, in order to stay the course for the exact people waiting for you. The exact people who WANT you to be who you are.

Find a few good examples of the juice of authenticity being worth the squeeze and hold on to them with your whole heart.

Happy squeezing 😊

Terribly bad at taking videos at my own party 💕

This weekend I hosted a garden tea party to bring in my 33rd year. At the peak of it there were 19 people sitting on the lawn, making new friends with each other, and enjoying the tea i panic bought at the farmers market 30 minutes earlier.

If you told me in November that this would happen I wouldn't have believed you.

November was a peak of depression, uncertainty, and instability in every area of life. A really strained LDR was ending, feeling lost in the direction my work should go in, and feeling like there was no one to turn to.

I had 2 friends in Flagstaff at that time and it wasn't a good situation to not have more community support, so I *made* myself make friends.

I made myself think really hard about the type of person I am.

What am I all about?
Who I wanted to be friends with?
What kind of relationships do I want?
How do I spend time with people?
And then I worked my ass off for it.

It isn't magical. It isn't manifesting a community. It isn't calling it in. I took a lotttt of action.

Maybe it's easier for people to believe that some people are the ones who can create community and some people aren't wired that way. I think this is bullshit *to an extent*

What do I believe about myself?
About how this all works?
That's what will dictate what happens next.

Anyway I look at it, it takes effort to build an intentional life.
If you want good people around you, go get them 💕

Happy 33rd Birthday to me! (yesterday)

The past few days I'd been caught in a whirlwind of “What have I even done with my time?” inner dialogue.

𝗠𝘆 𝗮𝗺𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰 kept insisting I haven’t accomplished much.

Instead of shutting her down, I listened.

I gave her space to vent about not doing enough volunteering or making money or writing books or paying off my debt.
That I'm un-partnered and childless in my 30's.
That I don't know if I'm ever going to reach my true potential.

When she was done venting, I asked her to listen to what my heart had to say about my first 33 years on the planet.

(the way I "listen to my heart" is get very quiet, close my eyes, and in my mind I ask my hearts voice to speak and say, "I am ready to listen to you")

𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲'𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆:
I have forgiven and become good friends with both my parents.
I created a business from scratch that genuinely helps people.
I am creative, attuned to my inner child, and have a curious mind.
I am playful and curious in my art, music, dance, and communication.
I have a deep spiritual relationship with myself, nature, and the creator.
I'd never done drugs or drank much in my youth, and today I'm 99.9% sober.
I have educated myself on modalities to consistently self-heal from trauma.

But...most of all, my heart said 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲.

I'm loved.
I'm part of the Earth.
My observations are valid and meaningful.
I'm on the path of deeper stewardship of the planet.

I can always choose to look at the things I have done 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 in life and absolutely none of it needs to be measured by superficial or societal standards.

I invite you to join me in this practice :)

𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁.

Write down what it says, no matter how small or insignificant it seems, and celebrate your journey.

I would LOVE if you shared at least one thing you're proud of yourself for in the comments, and celebrate on other peoples comments – let's uplift each other!

Happy self-celebrating ✨💕

The need to be "authentic" all the time is a lie and often causes a great deal of internal discourse.

Try practicing awareness instead ✨

I think a good place to start thinking about how to "be" more authentic is acknowledging when you're not, and normalizing that for yourself.

The masks and personas we all wear interacting with each other or the online space are not character flaws, but an integral part of our character as we develop and mature. It's universal.

Instead of hyper-fixating on authenticity, try to engage with your Awareness.

Think and observe authenticity as it presents to you.

A quick way to practice this is to do checks on self-awareness, social awareness, and environmental awareness:

1. Self-awareness: what is it like being "authentically me" on my best day? on my worst day? who am I when no one else is around?

2. Social awareness: am I around people that I feel okay being myself around? why or why not? what are the differences?

3. Environmental awareness: am I in an environment (online, in person, etc.) where it is appropriate for me to share x thing, or do y thing? what environments make me feel best being myself? why or why not?

There are no right answers...
Only answers congruent to who you are = authenticity.

All three of these can now provide a more in-depth and conscious approach to what it means to be authentic.

What do you think? 🧠 🥰

this inner voice is not wrong, I just ignored her for 3 weeks 😇 ✨

My journey with overthinking is far from over, I think it's my nature to think aaaaa lllooootttttt.

but rather than being completely suffocated by my thoughts, along the way I have found ways to disrupt my own patterns and express myself with more confidence and freedom.

Obviously there is no one way to do this, and the more we *literally communicate* about what works for us, the more we all can grow.

Let me know if this resonates in the comments or other ideas you have about what works 💜
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#communication #introspection #selfawareness #emotionalintelligence #boundaries

there lives inside of me a decidedly paradoxical mix of personalities. not to say there are different personalities, more so there are different extensions of the one soul or spirit that is "me"

how can I be so many different people at the same time?

how can I be someone who wants to teach, and play, and posts 37 memes or pictures a day on my story, and gets excited about life. and also someone who deletes social media for weeks at a time, hermits for days, and can be broody, stubborn, and combative? sometimes, I wish I was more consistent with myself let alone how I want others to perceive me as stable, reliable, and responsible.

but hereinlies the unquestionable consistency that can be found; I explore the mystery and diversity within myself, and I aim to celebrate it. because it is how we all are...every single one of us a little universe known only to ourselves...if that.

so it is not my job to micromanage how I'm perceived

and it is absolutely not beneficial to me or the world to stay the same. no thank yeww.

it is my job to express these current iterations of myself with honesty...and *at times* some elegance.

🖤

Each of my clients go on quite the journey and I'm proud of every single one of them. Joe was no exception.

He found me via an Internet search and when we first met, I said "what are you looking for that the other programs you've taken haven't delivered on?"

After a rough season of his life, he was tired of the performance. Of what the world expected from him and who he truly was. He was looking for something deeper and more true to himself, while still able to interact with the worlds he existed in.

My coaching is...deep. It addresses the spiritual aspect of humans. How we interact with ourselves and the world around us. It addresses what is painful. What is dark. What is buried.

But not in a therapeutic sense.

It's much more simple, yet nuanced.

Spec provides a framework to draw out, examine, observe, question, celebrate, and to alchemize all that you are in the Now.

No one is broken. No one needs fixing.
It's about empowerment.

If you're curious and ready to really look at yourself, let's chat 🤍

We can go too far sometimes trying not to offend others.

Yes, consideration of the other person should be taken, time and place, being tactful, etc.

But it does no one any good to be fearful of being labeled a bad person for sharing your opinions and thoughts freely with those around you.

The fear of speaking up is mostly due to the fear of the physical sensation of someone not liking what you have to say.

Often we aren't afraid of what we think we're afraid of, we're afraid of what we think.

And ultimately, constantly placating others does damage to the relationship with yourself and with others. You know this already, either consciously or subconsciously.

So, what can be done about it?

Regulation of the autonomic nervous system is the first place to start to navigate the fear of and potential unpleasantness of sharing your voice.
Take deep breaths before, during, and after speaking.

Up to 1,400 chemicals are released during a stress response.

Let them flow then let them go.

Do you want to think clearly?
Take a deep breath.
Do you want to stay empathetic and within your morals ?
Take a deep breath.
Do you want to stay calm even though you're upset and a conversation isn't going well?
Take a deep breath.

I not only coach my clients on basic breathing techniques and tell them it's important.

I also make them role-play uncomfortable conversations so they experience the physical sensation of being triggered and using their breath to move through it.

This is what they report is the skill most applied to all areas of their life.

Honest communication is wellness.
Emotional regulation to navigate fears is wellness.
Genuine relationships, most importantly the one with yourself, are wellness.

So don't be afraid of speaking up...

It's an imperative part of a well-balanced life 🤍

i mostly regret things that I've done that have hurt other people, or situations I "shouldn't have ever" gotten myself into. As I mature emotionally, I'm in favor of balancing the perspective I look back on things with. I did those things or behaved that way with the information and awareness that I had at that time.

with this perspective, I can see that I have several options:

1. stop making choices i would regret because with new awareness = new choices.
2. reflect deeply on my perceived mistakes and look for how they have shaped me in positive ways.
3. see how I build creativity out of the way mistakes have shaped my thoughts feelings and opinions, leading me this way and that way.

or maybe it feels good to think there are no mistakes - there is only all of us following our own unique paths in tandem with each other, and occasionally we bump into one another while looking for sex and snacks.

you don't need anyone's permission to forge your own path or do whatever the fuck you want.

but just in case, I'll leave some right here....

*permission for ___________*

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Disclaimer

The information and tools provided on this website are not intended to substitute professional medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. The Spec Method is not therapy or professional counseling.

most problems in life are communication problems.